Am i missing something?

I started this post by writing about something that i don't know and scrapped it in the middle since i felt like doing injustice to myself. So i thought of writing whatever pops up in my mind may be a crap but telling it out of my heart :)

I played volley ball today with couple of volunteers this evening and feeling so ease at heart though i did goof up a lot. To my surprise, i was able to play little better than how i used to play. Not sure if it's because the air in the ball was perfect or i played it with little involvement or i longed for some event like this. Anyways i felt good after playing it though i was on the losing side twice or my team lost because of myself ;)

One more thing for me being happy is that i had positive pranic (energy) home food (hadn't had one in last 4 days) nicely prepared by some volunteers at isha outreach office close by my work.

Games.. meditation... delicious dinner.. what else you can ask for in this universe?!!!

Veg Briyani, hot dosas with podi n tomato sabji, also cold slice.. Damn good.

I also tried something new today by adding curd in Podi.. lol... not bad.

Okay... talk to topic...

At moments, i used to ask myself this question - "Am i missing something?" and try to logically resolve that i am; but my inner experience of what i have been experiencing is so tremendous though i cannot scale up to my volunteering experiences, which were completely fulfilling since i used to give myself totally (not always) into what i do without any expectation and that was truly wonderful.

Now i am unable to get into complete action since i attach an expectation to it though i work for something for noble cause. So i pull up my questioning mind, get back to work most of the times just doing what is needed - checking if i am doing everything correctly, taking stock of what i am doing, what is the output and when i need to follow up - this works in a way.

Though i do not do something which i can boast about, which my mind always tend to do - i have been doing something which i hadn't done before (i knew i am playing the trick again). I think that this would be fine in sometime - hoping to get clarity & strike balance in i have to do what i have to do and what i love/long to do.

I definitely miss Chennai - my caring friends though most of them don't like what i do/tell me directly that they don't like it, my family (missing them at present and would miss them often during travel), corporate team in Chennai - where i used to volunteer for inner engineering programs, ego that i can drive anywhere/anytime (now crossing every street inch-by-inch in Coimbatore looking for directions as wandering stranger). This helps me to keep me quiet most of the times and understand the beauty of being homeless and unsettled.

I know I am nuts and have to be fixed up fast :)))))) He is working on it...